Since early 2020, when unanticipated corona virus pandemic travelled around the world in lightning speed, we all suffered from loss and heartbreak. While we were working as frontline workers (COVID nurses), we had to go through physical exhaustion, mental trauma and emotional roller coaster. While the people were frightening to come out of their door, the situation didn’t allow the health care workers to sit beside the fear or uncertainty. Yes, we look back to that time with great pride.
Despite the hectic schedule of our work, we had never come across a dire emergency like this. It was really suffocating wearing Personal Protective Equipment (PPE) 24/7, being lethargic out of hunger and sweating and holding our bladder for too long. We couldn’t even recognize each other’s face which was very challenging to work like that. To be honest, we have gone through all the blood, sweat and tears to overcome it.
We work as CTVN (Cardiothoracic and Vascular Nurses) in Manmohan Cardiovascular Thoracic and Transplant Centre (MCVTC). No doubt, it was the herculean task for us when our department was converted into the COVID-19 Intensive Care Unit. So it was heartbreaking moment to treat heart attack and heart failure with PCR positive report which added more anxiety leading to further deterioration in condition of patients at the same time. Abruptly, most of the units of hospital were turned into COVID-19 inpatient unit. During the first surge, lack of PPEs and medication supplies brought huge crisis but we tried our best to make proper utilization of them. Likewise, in the second surge, lack of ventilator support and oxygen made death the common place. We vividly remember the unit filled with ventilated COVID patients and most of them covered with different oxygen masks, struggling for air. Seeing them like this made us self-suffocated and helpless. Gradually, we felt the lacking of health care workers during the phase of third variant as most of us were infected and self-isolated. Changing nature of different variants was new and challenging for us to deal.
We (just we) were the only hope for these patients as they also were parents, grandparents, sons, daughters, friends, fighting with this dreadful virus alone in isolation. Our patients needed us, their family members trusted us. That moment when our patients asked “Are we going to die?” was the hardest time for us. The absolute worst part was watching them having their last breath without the presence of their loved ones. Although we never gave up and prayed for their survival, this virus was beyond our effort. This whole situation opened our eyes to sense the gratefulness of all front liners in this pandemic.
In the beginning, extreme anxiety burnt us as the fear of exposing to new virus and carrying it home to our families made us distressed. In spite of self isolation from people, health care workers were praised in media as heroes but at the same time, the physical avoidance from the community (even in some families) made us feel more secluded. On top of that, there was conflict between the theme “societal support” and “public avoidance”. But the powerful bonding among co-workers, homely working environment and appreciation received from patient and their family members were the things to cheer up which helped us to lift a huge weight off our shoulders. The tears and fear in our eyes were real, that everyday adrenaline rush was real. And the pride we have for each other was real. Yes, we had each other’s back and the feeling of “Together we stand, divided we fall” never led us down. Though we heard about the allowances in the news and pages, we didn’t get it which is quite saddening for the nurses who have sacrificed a lot in this pandemic. Who knows? It might be due to country’s economy or the debate in the same topic.
Fig a: An appreciation note from a patient during their discharge.
Most of all, we are eternally grateful for the support we received from whole hospital committee and the appreciation we got from our patients, that unconditional love from our loved ones kept us encouraged to keep going. How our loved ones managed to support us in this worst case scenario was incredibly uplifting. To all those who lost their loved ones in this pandemic, please remember that they were not alone. We held their hands with hope, wiped their tears as we wiped ours and always provided the full care as much as we could. It was the year we fought; we learnt and embodied the year of the nurse 2020. We feel proud to serve the humanity in this panicky situation as “COVID Warriors”. Besides, we are afraid we might experience another surge, but we will gather strength to find the light at the end of this dark tunnel. Without a shadow of doubt, we will fight it together with rebound hopefulness.
We doff our caps to each individual who served. And we heartily express our deep condolences to the ones who lost their lives and pray for strength to their family members. May we win over this virus! May peace prevails!
